Invinsible children,Forgotten voices victims of society

"He asked me to remove my pant and lay down on the cardboard.He started to touch me all over my body and put his thing inside me.I was crying when he was doing it because it was very painful but he covered my mouth with a dirty smelly cloth and told me not to make any noise or the police will arrest me, blood was coming out of my body the first time he did it and my body was paining me.He gave me 50naira and bought ice cream and coke for me..He does it to me every night after everyone has slept,when i tell him i dont want to do it anymore he threatened to kill me…since my thing started to smell with a bad odour and some fluid was coming out,he has not done it with me again and he gave me some tablet and pure water to use"…(name withheld age 7years old)
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"Daddy always sleeps with me whenever my mother is not around. He tells me not to inform anyone each time he sleeps with me”(name withheld age 10yrs old molested by 62 years old)     
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These short but vivid accounts are real life occurrence  that have occurred in the lives of  children living in Nigeria.The first account occurred with an 8years old girl who is an orphan but lives with a guardian who brought her from Maiduguri born state she is forced to beg on the streets of Lagos with other children who are her age mates and then turn over the proceeds of the day to her guardian.They sleep under one of the bridges in lagos on the mainland, leaving them open to older adult sexual predators.The perpetuator of the molestation in the above scenario is  Musa,a disabled hausa man in his mid forties who is disabled and also begs for alms in the same area.He also sleeps under the bridge and indulges in molesting the child during the night after everyone has slept.


The girl who cannot be named for obvious reasons further narrated that she was not the only one as every single one of her friends have gone through same experience some even younger than her.

Sexual molestation/Paedophilia while it might appear like a contemporary social vice in our nigerian society is actually deeply entrenched.I dare say there is a perception of cultural/religious tolerance of this perverse act which has served to drive it and also create a dark foreboding  climate,unsettling to any sane mind another crooked and forebodingly dark route to this is the sexual molestation by parents on their own children. In nigeria this is not only for an absurd form of sexual gratification but some actually indulge in this for ritual purposes especially common amongst the rich and wealthy in the society…there is the case of a popular and wealthy business person in nigeria who allegedly has carnal knowledge of their children which is known to quite a number of people..examples also abound of parents who have not only had carnal relations with their own children in our society but actually impregnated them .
The role of children in the  traditional african/nigerian society which is to be seen and not heard has also further complicated an already complex psychological issue,added to this is the failure of the relevant organisations in charge to show a strong moral conviction and  political will in fighting this menace robustly nor publishing valid, up to date statistics on the number of children molested,the on going investigations,the concluded investigations and an up to date sex offenders register including a working relationship with the nigerian police force.

By the very nature of the way we are brought up,most of us are not free to express our feelings to parents or guardians,schools even private schools do not have the facilities nor inclination to deal with these issues. So a child after being serially abused then becomes a victim twice by failings  in the society and the adults including governmental agencies.its a testament to the uncommon even unnatural resilience of the nigerian child including religion that has been able to step in and play a stabilising role in the psychological/mental well being of abused victims.
What prompted this narrative was an article i read in the newspapers some weeks ago where a nigerian judge had the gall and effrontery to give a sexual molester an option of fine of 50,000 Naira.
This is a child molester who was caught in the act in broad daylight and after being beaten handed over to the authorities who arrested and charged him to court.It is a moral outrage and makes mockery once again of the nigerian judicial system it also highlights the judicial failings on the issue  sexual molestation of minors and the vulnerable.
I also realised that most nigerians while they can express the normal righteous indignation about specific cases have not shown enough commitment to fight and decisively get rid of this patent evil in our society.
However,i will not just be acknowledging and showcasing the issues but trying my best to proffer what i feel are appropriate and sensible response to a clear and present danger which needs to be nipped in the bud.

Apart from the obvious physical traits of a victim of sexual molestation,others are self esteem issues which might cause a child to exhibit morally questionable tendencies…we often see some girls who send out nude pictures and other such exhibitionist tendencies,and who also indulge in sexual vices of all sorts,while i am not inferring that they have all been sexually abused but surely some or many of them have been victims. coupled with this are other sexually deviant behaviours

."Numerous empirical studies investigating the developmental impact of sexual abuse on children and adolescents indicate that many symptoms of maladjustment and mal-adaptation are associated with the experience of sexual abuse. Most frequently reported are problems of depression, anxiety, and other internalizing disorders, as well as externalizing problems such as dissociation, conduct disorders, aggressiveness, and inappropriate or early sexual behavior and activity" (Paolucci, Genuis and Violato 2001 18)

"Linkage of sexual abuse to higher rates of alcohol use, promiscuity and other risky behavior" (Jet 1995 52). The linkage is important here because all too often abuse children move from one self-abuse area to another"

This is a very pertinent fact to acknowledge firstly so that we can begin to understand some individuals and not be quick to judge, and also for present sufferers who have unconsciously drifted on or having adult psychological issues to self diagnose and hopefully find and deal with these issues.

Looking to or advocating for a complete eradication of sexual molestation in nigeria will be a tall order indeed,it will be unrealistic and utopian and needs a complete societal attitudinal change for us to even start to deal with it which we have not started yet.
The child rights international network which consists of several organisations vested with the responsibilities of protecting the child's rights need to be much more pro active and drive public awareness and opinions, this is more important amongst the semi literate and the illiterates the poor working class in the society who are much more likely not to report incidents of sexual abuse amongst their children due to the distrust they have in the police force,the lack of awareness or knowledge of their rights and the cumbersome and awkward nature of the nigerian judicial system.

Another attitude which needs to be discouraged and sanctioned is the cultural sentiments which is allowed to interfere with the law on the subject.A set of parents whose child have been abused arrogate the right to decide for their child as if the child has no human rights of his/her own, this is patently wrong.Regardless of  their views if a crime has been committed and real valid evidence shown then the criminal justice system must forge ahead and prosecute the perpetuator irrespective of the parent's stance. The present approach fosters the loss of the child's human rights which will foster a deep sense of resentment and utter distrust in the system for the child victim all through his/her formative years which is not only wrong but inhuman.I must quickly re iterate that although many parents take this stance due to the perpetuator offering financial inducements a lot also do so due to the societal taboo placed on such child by an often ignorant,unforgiven labelling  society .

Sexual abuse in foreign climes tend to be both within the family and also senior religious figures, we have not discovered this is the case yet in nigeria maybe because our religious figures are more pious and holier than their foreign counterparts or because research has simply not looked into this deeply enough however what we know is that sexual molestation just like abroad also occurs amongst perpetuators who are known to the children.It is also important for the parent not only to make sure their children confides in them,they must also coach and inculcate in the child some actions from adults that are ok and those that are not.

I made the mistake of accepting money from a distant relative who visited our house in my parent's absence,not only did my mum punish me for this she also dealt with the nanny who was around when this occurred. All through my growing up formative years even if going hungry i tended not to accept  money from strangers,even friends I'm not really close to, same goes for eating in people's houses which i dont do even till the present time. These are values that had been vested in me at the age of 5/6 years old..one has to teach children that its not ok to go on errands for anyone even family members in the absence of your parents.

It is not ok for any adult to put them on their laps or invite them into their houses in the absence of their parents.Children understand boundaries hence clear and concise boundaries must be set for the child in order for them not to fall victim of sexual predators.While i totally and unequivocally agree that the traditional african society does not encourage boundaries as culturally and traditionally adults see themselves as custodians of children even if not biologically related however the reality of present contemporary african society dictates that we must discard some methods which have no place in modern society and which creates an unhealthy atmosphere for predators to nurture and groom their victims.

The government must mandate and legislate into law a compulsory term of imprisonment without an option of fine for sexual molesters,in addition to this schools who are supposed to be responsible for both the physical moral and psychological well being of their wards  MUST be mandated to have a qualified staff who is a child psychologist and competent enough to offer a sort of first aid psychological treatment for any child that needs it..most times children are much more comfortable opening up to their "AUNTIE" or "UNCLE"i.e teachers than parents/guardians ..sexual molesters often warn them of dire consequences if they tell their parents or even tell them parents won't believe them.

This might be too obvious but parents really need to daily engage their children,ease any perceived reservations children  might have concerning them and make sure they are free to confide in their parents..parents should not trivialise or slight any issue their child intimates them of.For the child to open up and confide means this issue is really bothering them and its important for them to know that there is an avenue for them to report anything happening in their lives, this is the primary responsibility of a parent towards a child..your work/business issues will take a back seat if a crisis develops concerning the child you are to busy to listen to.

I know i have written a lot about the nigerian police force and the lord knows it needs a complete overhaul however for the sake of this subject, and its exigency their should be a dedicated unit in the police force dedicated solely to crimes related to sexual molestations and its attendant crimes which must have mini units in every police post actively working with charities and government organisations on children.
Like i have mentioned earlier the fact that this evil vice seems to be permissive in the society and runs through both the poorest and the rich and wealthy in our society means the police unit would need to have a strong political will and moral gumption not only to decisively investigate but to make sure perpetuators are brought to book..The press/journalists who are the mouth piece and conscience of the society need to wake up to their responsibilities,they have to  help by driving and cranking up awareness and public opinions. Investigative journalism will also go a long way in unearthing and exposing this and placing it on the front burner.

Ongoing studies are still looking into the long term effects of sexual abuse in adults both male and female.which is being updated regularly in medical journals and government and private sanctioned researches.Even though the perceived failings have been pointed out one must not but acknowledge the awesome jobs the charities are doing in spite of the constraints they face daily.I honestly believe and have a firm conviction that as time goes on things will begin to change,children will find a voice in government and the criminal justice system and those who have been indulging in these vices will be brought to account.


source;
ttp://news2.onlinenigeria.com/latest-addition/208229-ogun-state-police-arrests-62-year-old-man-for-defiling-his-10-year-old-stepdaughter.html

http://news2.onlinenigeria.com/keywords/child-molestation

http://voices.yahoo.com/promiscuity-sexually-abused-children-103848.html

http://www.bravemantherapy.com/articles/unforgotten%20pain.htm

http://www.crin.org/organisations/vieworg.asp?id=43

Ps; these are my personal views but i appreciate any dissenting opinions thanks